i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
