Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize