how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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