Where did you get a picture of my penis
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize