absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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