That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize