Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
