Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
