I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
