meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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