Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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