ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i think my cat just said my name.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize