Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I intend to get homeless drunk
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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