I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
