oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
