i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
