I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
