You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
not ubering you a puppy
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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