you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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