The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
