she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How naked do you want me to be?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
