So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I pour the whiskey from now on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
