I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
