I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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