he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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