its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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