I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
