So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
