apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
