Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
