farters have to be the big spoon...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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