Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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