How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
