I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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