You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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