1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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