how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
