Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
