So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
