Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
