I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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