i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
