She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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