So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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