this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
