before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
