he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize