My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize