11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
