You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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