the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
