You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
