Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
