you guys were way drunker than both of me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
