And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
