i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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