just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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