I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
