Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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