This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
