what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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