peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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