I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
