wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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