note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
