No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
