I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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