Moan for me like Helen Keller
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
