end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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