hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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